I have a confession… I suck at adulting.
I haven’t written a blog post for a little while. Lukewarm excuses like not having enough time and being too busy are the most likely reason. Maybe with a little bit of reconstituted baby brain thrown in. Every time I have thought to write I have ended up being interrupted by something. Come to think of it, every time I’ve thought about doing pretty much anything I feel like I’m interrupted. That’s when I realized that, more often than ever before, I have found myself getting quite upset about my ability to ‘adult’ properly.
I’ve never been a naturally organised person. No matter what I try to do, no matter how good and active my intentions are, I always seem to get right back where I started: frantically rushing at the last minute to iron the uniform, or make the craft, or plan the lesson. I look around me and everyone else seems to be breezing through this adulting stuff with their pre-planned lunches and their 6am gym sessions and their constant flow of housework which always seems to get done around their family weekend outings. They have a mortgage, life insurance and ISA’s (anyone know what these are?). They arrive on time, totally unflustered, ready to take on the task.
Then there’s me… paper everywhere, confused look on face, missing pen…
And so begins the self-torture….why didn’t I do this last night, I should have woken up at 5am instead, for gods sake what’s wrong with me, why don’t I remember anything, why do I never have time to finish anything, I am not good for this job, I’m a terrible homemaker, everyone thinks I’m dumb, lazy, selfish…” I convince myself that there is some amazing quality that other people must have that I lack. They are better at being adults then me. They know what they are doing. Am I the only one who struggles with the demands of work and home life?
I’m rushing because my daughter refused to get dressed this morning . I missed the email last night because I was on the phone with my best friend who was upset. I haven’t done my washing up because I was too tired the evening before. I haven’t done that thing you asked me to because I’ve been running around getting my daughter to after school clubs and haven’t sat down, I haven’t called you back because tonight I just didn’t have the energy to talk.
In the presence of the super-adults I feel like a total failure, and the worst thing is, I’m not too sure what I’m failing at. When you think about it, the world is made up of all sorts of different types of people; serious, care-free, minimalists, hoarders, dreamers, realists… we all have different strengths and pitfalls and it’s horrible when you feel like you are getting it wrong just for being you. I have had a lot of changes in the last year and I think sometimes I need to not put so much pressure on myself. I think as women, we tend to strive to be everything to everyone.
However, I’m definitely not the kind of person who identifies a problem and plods along with it, I’m a ‘doer’ (ask my long-suffering husband!) and so, I have bought myself a diary and for the first time ever I am actually using it. It’s actually quite overwhelming to see exactly what I need to get done on a daily basis… no wonder I forgot things when the only diary I had was in my head! I’ve also found it helpful if, when being presented with a big task, to make lists of things that I want to accomplish by the end of it. I’m hoping that a few more of these little tips I have discovered will help to make me a more successful grown-up!
I always thought 30 would be the age that I would have my savings account and my daily routine down to a tee, but I’m going to be kind to myself and say that by 40 I will have cracked this adult thing, ISA(?) and all!
In the meantime you can find me eating ice cream in my fort…